|Juggling Life in Cosmic Hands
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|Forfatter:||Erase [ 02 feb 2015 10:11 ]|
|Titel:||Juggling Life in Cosmic Hands|
Juggling Life in Cosmic Hands
Substance: Salvia Divinorum
(Mind)Set: Average positively inclined mindset, no concerns about tripping, very spontaneous.
(Physical condition) Set: I didn’t prepare for the experience whatsoever, I was reckless and consumed the Salvia without much consideration beforehand. I did however have my littlebrother and dog supervise me.
(Location) Setting: At home.
Time of day: 2 p.m.
Recent drug use: None.
Last meal: 2 bananas, a mixed salat and a litre of apple concentrate juice 2 hours prior to experience.
Body weight: 69kg.
Known sensitivities: None.
History of use: Relatively experienced in most psychedelic compounds.
The day upon which I smoked the Salvia was a completely ordinary day like any other. I knew my stepfather would be gone for most of the day, so I had progressed through my day with the thought of experimenting with my freshly arrived Salvia. At around 1 p.m. I contacted my friend asking if he was available to bring over his pipe and mini-bong, which he was happy to help out with. At first I had planned to make use of the pipe, but due to it being extremely clogged from excessive hash/weed smoking, I ditched it and made use of the mini-bong. I loaded it with a clean filter disk and, with the help of my brother, poured in a good deal of Salvia 20x. I knew it would be impossible for me to take it all in using such a tiny bong, but I’d rather shoot too high than too low.
Without much thinking or consideration, I went out into our conservatory with my dog and smoked it. First I took the biggest hit that I could before it became too harsh on my throat and made sure not to cough. I held it in for a considerable amount of time. The second hit seemed even harsher than the first, and was thus slightly shorter. I also managed to hold this one back without letting the irritation trigger any coughing reflexes. I noticed there was at least 50-60% of the Salvia left unsmoked, but the effects really hit me hard, and so did a creeping sense of paranoia. Immedietly after having exhaled the second hit, it was as if most of my abilities to think logically just left my body with the smoke, and thus I quickly entered a state of compulsive thinking and worry about how I should’ve found a better way to hide the smell. I opened the door, which my dog was lying in front of and I walked around disstressed with the Salvia still smoking steadily from the bowl. Attempting to put it out with the tip of my lighter didn’t seem to do the trick. I tried to open a window, but strangely enough couldn’t figure out how this mundane task was to be accomplished. After walking around and, for what felt like 10-15 minutes, worrying about what would happen if my stepfather could smell it, I decided to go out to the front door to pick up the key for the rubbish chute. I dumped all of the contents in the bowl as well as the water from the bong into the chute and went back inside, without taking the key with me. Instead, I placed the bong exactly where I usually place the chute key. I didn’t know this until later, when my brother told me about it. At this point I felt a bit more relaxed, because I knew that nothing else could be done to help the smell leave the conservatory.
As soon as all the worry had subsided, I noticed just how strong the visuals really were. It was similar to being on a dosage of 400 micrograms of LSD, although the Salvia visuals have an entirely different characteristic. I walked into my brother’s room and quickly became aware that I was being observed. I felt like I partly entered into some alternate reality or dimension that lied behind the veil of this reality. This has been a very common experience on my higher dose journeys, so it was in no ways unsettling to me. I greeted the entities that appeared to be there observing me and from it sprung an entire conversation. It felt like I left my body in some way during this period of time and entered into some space where scenes from my life were being investigated and my behaviours were closely monitored and discussed with me. I don’t remember how the exact conversation went along, because this part of the experience feels very much like a dream that occured 3 days ago, but I do remember the setting and broad picture of what took place. The way the conversation actually functioned, was exactly like one of my previous experiences where I could telepathically speak with these entities in what was understood as audible verbal language. What’s really perculiar though, is that on top of what is being said, you also get a complete understanding and feel for what all participants are thinking about what they just said, but also what they truly feel about it. So this experience always feels like a very tense interrogation where it literally is impossible to lie, because everybody knows what intentions lie behind every single word. The conversation had a very serious tone to it, but in spite of this, every stupidity in my behaviour that was being laid out before me, was being rediculed by these entities, as if they were constantly joking about me. I’ve only experienced this direct communication on two occurances, but it always strikes me how powerful, significant and truthful it appears to be. In a way. it really is like being schooled by examining your life with a microscope and a bunch of entities that sort of ”peer review” your life. Not a particularly positive experince, but very deep and interesting.
After the conversation formally ended and I regained consciousness of my body, I still felt that I was being monitored very carefully. I was then presented with 100% EXACT images/videos of the visions that I’ve seen on about 3-4 former high dose experiences on DMT and LSD+Salvia combos. It was really so vivid that I was being transported into each individual experience to relive those moments and gain furhter insight into the mechanics of what took place in each of them. To give an example of this, I had a LSD+Salvia combo experience several months prior to this where I was also being observed by some entities that appeared to scan the entire house that we were in, which was visible to me through mirroring lasers that shot across the entire building and was one of the most visually spectacular things I have ever witnessed. After that took place, I became very clearly aware of a group of 3-4 entities that wanted to interact with me. The best way to describe what happened at this point, is that the entities proceeded to overlap what seemed to be a music file on top of reality. Literally as if you drag a MP3 song onto a video using a movie editor. Now, imagine that these entities had the ability to assign every single note of the song to a very specific timeframe, as if each moment in time functions as a trigger for the notes. Exactly as if you’re the one dragging the linear timelapse bar in said movie editor. Now, the most interesting part was that they literally showed me that I could play the notes, or play time, using my hands. All I had to do was move them withing the lines of mirror lasers that were visible to me during the experience, and when doing so, the muscles in my fingers would move spontaneously by themselves in the strangest manners. It quite literally felt like somebody else was controlling my hand movements, while I was the one deciding upon where to move my hands/arms and the speed at which I wanted to do so. Now, what it all came down to was that I was playing a very distinct melody with these entities, which I can still recall to this day, while visions of entering deeper into their reality appeared to me both mentally and physically. I could feel that I was losing grips on my body, while ”I” was departing somewhere else.
Going back to the Salvia experience, this is one of the experiences that I COMPLETELY relived. Every sensation, every vision, every thought and every feeling was RIGHT HERE. The experiences passed before my eyes in a matter of seconds, although it felt like minutes. I gained a deeper understanding of what was actually taking place during each experience and generally it shed some more light on how each one has been leading to another. Previously I didn’t see any connections between my experiences, but now I know that they’ve all been coming from the same place. I’m not sure how to really define this place/reality/dimension, because it’s so elusive, yet crisp and clear at the same time. It is, however, a very distinct ”place” that I apparently have some connection with. Do I even have to note that entering it feels like going back home? Time doesn’t exist there by any means, so it feels as though I already know the whole shebang beforehand.
After I had gotten deeper insight to how my psychedelic experiences are linked and what some of the mechanics behind them have been, I got a closer grasp on the reality with my brother in the room. I relaxed and stared out in the room and suddenly noticed that if I concentrated upon it, I could glimpse into the alternate reality/dimension and literally alter it in the exact same way that I was controlling the music on my previous LSD+Salvia experience. Using my hands, I could see what resembled an alien pedestrian street made entirely of fluid neon lights. Somehow, my left hand turned into one of these morphing entities, which I could then move around at my will. This was a very funny and peculiar experience to have, but certainly interesting. I feel as though I forgot something that happened at just around this time, but it really slipped the memory of my mind.
The next thing I remember is that I became much more stable in ”normal” reality and was able to commune a bit with my brother. So I get up from the bed and decide to go check up on my dog. To my surprise, she was still lying in the exact same spot looking out the door in the conservatory. I petted her a lot, but the more I did so, the more she seemed genuinely annoyed by my presence and actions. It was as if she was literally speaking to me through body language and recognizing that I was showing her affection, but having no real interest in it. The more I observed her, the more frightened and terrifying the whole situation became. It appeared to me as if she was having muscle cramps, due to the weird and tense position that she was suddenly lying in. The fear grew steadily upon me as she stood up, walked away from me and into the house after giving me a penetrating stare. I quickly followed her inside and petted her further to try and please her in any way, but the thoughts kept penetrating my mind like piercing arrows. It hit me, she was going to die! This utterly horrifying thought embarked upon me as reality. I saw her shrink, clump together and almost wither away before my eyes. In the midst of my panic, I grabbed around her and felt that she was extremely weak and that fluids were almost pouring out of her skin somehow. I went into a complete craze and my brother came to check up on me. I cried out to my brother that she was going to die and I started screaming profusely. I couldn’t grasp the sheer intensity of the thought that I had killed my dog due to being a wreckless maniac looking for another trip. The paranoid and hysterical thoughts of what I had done and what was going to be of both our dog and myself completely took over my mind. I simply couldn’t take it, because I knew that hell would break loose once my unknowing stepfather would find out.
My brother continiously tried to calm me down and told me to go sit with him in the kitchen. I constantly looked down at our dog, who now seemed to have bloody eyes staring gazing directly into mine. The guilt and shame hit me so tremendously hard. I swore that I saw her close her eyes and just lie down, as if this was the last moment. Despite of my brother’s intentions of keep me in the chair, I got on the ground and gave the deepest apology to my dog that I could. I got back up on the chair and my brother then told me that nothing was wrong. He told me that she looked completely fine and wasn’t going to die. He told me this 10 times or so and I made him swear on his life that he wasn’t lying. After accepting that he was probably right, due to being in a clear state of mind, I took a sigh of relief. My body was still increadibly tense, breathing was shallow and my heart was beating so hard and fast that it could almost have torn a hole in my ribcage.
I felt indescribably tired at this point. The best way I could describe the feeling I had was that I had just endured one of the worst living nightmares of my life and that I hadn’t slept for what seemed like 4 whole days. I inspected myself in the mirror and found that I was extremely pale and I had dark, baggy eyes. I decided that the best would be to just go into bed and get some rest. While lying there with my closed eyes, I noticed the very gentle attraction to entering a meditative state. I realised that throughout this entire experience, I had been entirely present, and although I went through some of the worst case scenarios being executed before my eyes, the un-concerned presence had been with me the entire time. After this ”realisation”, I clearly heard the laughter of a female voice, in the same way that the telepathic messages had been received earlier. The laughter seemed recognizable and it contained both a sense of genuine laughter due to something being funny, but it was also perceived as being some sort of mockery to me. I didn’t let it affect me and instead decided to rest for a few hours.
I’m certain that I slept, because I felt very refreshed, although a little tired mentally. I assume that I must have had some strange dreams though, because I didn’t recognize that I was asleep at all. It seemed as if I had been lying there awake for hours in a way, but that would be unlikely. My afterthoughts on the experience is that I should never let desire get ahead of me again like this. If I’m going to mess with large quantities of psychedelics like this again, I will not do it with spontaneuity and recklessness like I did this time. I will put actual effort into preparing myself mentally and definitely taking care of the setting beforehand. The experience taught me that I need to further examine my underlying fears as well as insecurities and overcome them. Some great connections were made to my former experiences and I’m starting to really see the all encompassing synchronicity that is taking place everywhere, at all times. I’m truly baffled by how the most delicate influences of fluidity that can so easily ripple out into reality and create massive outbursts of change. All in all, I do not take this experience too lightly. It’s been very significant to me and deeply humbling to the power of ALL psychedelics. I must say, I underestimated Salvia greatly, and that was probably my biggest mistake of all.
|Forfatter:||Ether [ 02 feb 2015 13:22 ]|
|Titel:||Re: Juggling Life in Cosmic Hands|
Great experience, enjoyed the reading.
|Forfatter:||Erase [ 05 feb 2015 16:01 ]|
|Titel:||Re: Juggling Life in Cosmic Hands|
Great experience, enjoyed the reading.
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